Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
