Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize