At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
