Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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