U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
