i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
