my soul wont recognize me after tonight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
