I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
