I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
