Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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