Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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