I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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