i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
