Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
