bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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