Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize