Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
