why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
