I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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