I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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