I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
