Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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