My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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