Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
