My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
