Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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