my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Girls should come with a carfax report
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
