How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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