WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
