did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
