That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
