I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
