If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
