just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
