yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
