Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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