i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
