fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
