well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
