What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i've created a new STD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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