Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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