Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
