I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
