I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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