Soap is not a condiment
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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