taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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