i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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