Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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