he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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