where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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