Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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