I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
