i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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