How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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