I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
false alarm. still invincible.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
