Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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