My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
