Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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