he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
