what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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