I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I believe in your delicious
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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