my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
