She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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