If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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