I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
