Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
