If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
